Don't Hold a Grudge for Even a Second

Almost everyone at one time or another has said or felt something like, "Oh yeah ? If that's the way he or she wants to treat me or act just wait and see what I do to them next time!

As tempting as it is it's not only personally self-destructive to hold grudges but also responsible for much of the wars and other blood baths in the world today and in the end hurts the person planning or actually carrying out revengeful act as much as their victim.

You see examples of this everyday in the news. However one incident that really stands out in my mind is the story of two brothers who lived in an isolated fishing village on the coast of British Columbia, Canada when I was a young lad. I had met one of the brothers but the actual story was related to me by my grandfather who knew both of them very well.

He told me that for over 30 years these two brothers had argument over some rather trivial matter and hadn't spoken to each other again – although they lived in the same cabin – and worked on the same fishing boat -- a smaller gillnetter they owned and took out every day fishing.

They lived and worked together like this for years –refusing to look at or speak to each other again. It didn't matter whether one of them became ill or had some other problem. The other person would see that his brother was taken care of – but not personally.

Finally some time after 30 years one of the brothers suddenly died of a heart attack. His brother didn't attend his funeral but did sort through his brothers belongings –because secretly he was devastated the loss of his brother.

He broken down when came across a letter in which his brother expressed the heartbreak his brother had lived with as a result of the argument. He had written in this archived letter in his belongings who he loved his brother and felt sorry about his part in the dispute and how he wished the two of them could be friends again – but felt it was his brothers place to make up to him – first.

The surviving brother had felt exactly the same way about everything, but was so devastated by the fact that he had not tried to patch up their differences that he lived the rest of his life in such sadness and despair that he too died a few years after the death of his brother.

All of this actually happened and is a perfect example of the tragedy of holding grudges and seeking -- revenge-- for something somebody has done to us.

Seeking justice for some wrong done to us or somebody else is of course another matter. The two ideas are not the same.